Israelite Marriage Part III: Seduction and Marriage

With the heavy depressing things out of the way, we arrive at Part III of Israelite marriage,, seduction. Ultimately, the goal of this section is to lead back to and support the "Adam and Eve marriage" presented in the Israelite Marriage article. (Disclaimer: Again, this is not a post for children)

Law for Seduction
      The laws for seduction are given in two places, Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29. They cover the same topic, each adding a little more detail presenting this whole picture; if a man and woman are found doing the nasty, the man must pay the father of the woman 50 shekels of silver (approximately $42,000 today's money (source)), and it is expected the man will marry the woman. If he does, he cannot divorce her for any reason because he has "humbled" her. However, the woman's father may refuse to allow his daughter to marry the wastrel, in which case the man must still pay.

Hair gel: $20. Shirt: $50. Cost of bedroom eyes? A year's wages.

     This set of rules goes far to define the nature of Israelite "marriage".

1. Marriage is reliant on sex. The seduction-sex counts as a vow of marriage, and, following the rules of vows, only if the father "utterly refuses" does the marriage not occur; as we covered in the "Israelite Marriage" post, fathers have the ability to veto any vow made by their daughters. However, once the couple has already had sex, it's a little late for the cancelling of a vow. Saying, "No, you can't marry" will not restore the daughter's virginity.
2. Marriage, though existing in connection to family, is mostly about the two individuals. The man may not divorce the woman because he has humbled her. Not her father. Not her family. She herself.

What's the Deal with Virginity?
     Virginity is another of those Biblical issues that relies on assumptions and ideals. A scholar of the Bible may notice that thought much mention is made of feminine virginity, not much mention is made of male virginity. This is the result of pragmatism. Though there is a (albeit possibly faulty) method for determining female virginity, there is no such test for male virginity (Deut 22:17). Ideally, whenever a woman was deflowered, she and her lover would be caught, and the rules of seduction would be applied, leaving no single non-virgin men wandering around.

     The status of virginity only matters in some cases, mostly in cases of secret adultery. There is no rule against marrying a widow or widower, except in the case of Levites. On the contrary, young widows are encouraged to marry again (1 Tim 5:14). A couple who has premarital sex is not barred from marrying each other. Ergo, virginity is not a requirement for marriage. One can marry without being a virgin.
     Virginity only becomes important in the case of Levites and adultery. Levites have stringent cleanliness laws different from the rest of Israel; they may only marry a virgin or the widow of another Levite (Ezekiel 44:22).
     Adultery comes into the picture like so: a woman is single when she is single (non-betrothed) or a widow. Divorce does not create singledom (Matthew 5:32). And, though betrothal is not a concrete relationship in regards to marriage (meaning it is not physical), it is a vow, being a solemn promise, and therefore, it must be fulfilled. If a Sarah is betrothed to Jethro, but she is carrying on with Robert behind the scenes, the vow of betrothal made by both she and her father is violated; Sarah can hardly become married to Jethro when she is de facto married to Robert through their sexual relationship; that would be tricking Jethro into adultery.
     We see this sort of circumstance in the New Testament with Mary and Joseph. Mary and Joseph are betrothed when Mary becomes pregnant. Thinking he's in a Jethro-Robert situation, Joseph decides to separate from Mary quietly (Matthew 1:19). In his mind, because she has had sex with another man, she is technically another man's wife, and he does not want to commit adultery, but rather than seeking the death penalty for Mary, he dissolves their betrothal.

(source)

     Indeed, virginity only to marriage matters if a lie is told about it. Deuteronomy 22:13-21 show the consequences of the lie of virginity in marriage. The scenario is this: if a man accuses his wife of not being a virgin when they marry, her family is responsible for producing her "*tokens of virginity". If there are no tokens, the woman is executed for adultery. If the tokens are shown, the man is called to task, fined, and never allowed to divorce his wife (18-19). This scenario only works if the woman was presented as a virgin. Killing a widow for not being a virgin on her second wedding night is ridiculous--therefore, this case only came up if the parents lied or husband lied. If a man marries a woman he knows not a be a virgin, her virginity does not matter.

     Though lack of virginity was not a bar to marriage, it could present a thorny problem in the future of a woman. If she were seduced, caught, and paid for, but her father refused to let her marry, it seems she would be able to marry another man, but the question becomes 'who would marry her?' I believe that is what the payment was for. Typically, a dowry was given by a woman's family to her husband, with the understanding it was to help pay for the woman and mitigate the financial strain placed on the new family unit. However, in the case of seduction, the payment goes the other way, a reverse-dowry, if you will. This implies the woman would not be married later down the road, and the payment was to reduce her cost of living to her family. If the man is allowed to marry the woman, he still must pay, possibly to assuage the insult done to the family by his actions.

*[As far what the 'tokens' are, the matter is up for debate; it's commonly assumed the parents keep the wedding night bloody sheets, but the word translated as "cloth" in verse 17 does not mean "cloth" but "clothing", which does not make as much sense in the wedding night context, (ignoring the facts that A) not all women are born with hymens B) hymens can be broken by many things other than sex and C) sex does not always break the hymen). But, if the "bloody sheets" thing is right, this also definitively shows what sex acts do not count as virginity-taking...]

Validity of Seduction: Dinah and Shechem
    Theory is all well and good, but it's nice to have some concretes. Did this seduction actually happen in ancient Israel? How was the rule applied? How was a seduction-created marriage viewed? To answer these questions, we must delve into the most solid example of the seduction rule in the Bible, Dinah, the daughter of Jacob. This story is not exactly perfect as it occurs before the establishment of the Law, however, the not-yet-existent Law if followed to the letter in this tale, and it presents an outlook on this type of arrangement.

     Dinah's story is found in Genesis 34, and it goes like this: one day, Dinah is out and about, visiting some friends. Along the way, she is seen by Shechem, a prince. He carries her off and seduces her. After the fact, though, Shechem no longer wishes to be a love-'em-and-leave-'em type; he finds himself to be in love with Dinah. He speaks kindly to her, and he makes an impression; she likes him back. Shechem tells his dad that he wants to marry Dinah and that his dad needs to make it happen.

     Jacob then hears what is happened, and a meeting is set between Jacob, Shechem, and his father. Jacob's sons are also present and very angry at the embarrassment given to their sister. Shechem's father presents a deal; in exchange for Jacob's permission for Dinah to marry Shechem, they will become one people--marrying back and forth, trading, and living together. Shechem sweetens the pot, saying, "Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give. Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife." (Gen 34:11-12 KJV). 

     Jacob keeps quiet, but his sons give the ultimatum; they will allow Shechem to marry Dinah only if every male in his kingdom is circumcised. 

     Shechem and his father agree; they go home, tell everyone the news, and every male is circumcised.

     Three days later, when the men were still recovering, Dinah's blood brothers, Simeon and Levi, murdered all of the men in the city. They killed Shechem and his father and kidnapped Dinah back home. Jacob's other sons arrived after the fact and spoiled the city, taking all the livestock, valuables, and kidnapping all of the remaining people. When Simeon and Levi make it back home, Jacob lectures them, saying they will bring violence upon the family. Simeon and Levi respond, "Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?" (Genesis 34:31)

Analysis

     The story of Dinah can be a confusing one for many people; it is commonly referred to as "The rape of Dinah", which, I'm sure, shows you where the confusion lies. Assuming what occurred was rape, many side with her brothers, wondering why her father would disagree with the punishment righteously handed out. Others, still assuming rape, use this story to prove why women should marry their rapists; because love is the result!
     But, what others assume doesn't matter, because it's not a matter of rape. Shechem seduces Dinah, and Dinah allows herself to be seduced. It's an embarrassment on the family because Dinah is a loose woman; she was supposed to be visiting friends but was doing the nasty with a stranger instead. However, Shechem and she do develop feelings for each other--further showing this is a case of seduction based on mutual attraction. Dinah's family is not outraged because of a rape; they are outraged because of the implications Dinah's actions put on their family.
     Shechem does the right thing; though he and Dinah were not "found", as the hypothetical couple in Deuteronomy 22, he brings the event into the open and starts negotiations with Dinah's father. Shechem recognizes and respects Jacob's right to say "no" to the de facto promise made by his sex with Dinah. If Shechem wanted, he could have kept Dinah whether Jacob said "no" or not--he is a prince with his people at his back. At the time, Jacob and his people are "few in number" (Gen 34:30), but Shechem respects Jacob. In following with the law that is eventually created, Shechem offers payment to redress the embarrassment--any amount of goods or money in exchange for Dinah. Jacob's sons reply "deceitfully" (34:13) and demand the circumcision of an entire people.
    Shechem continues to be shown in an extremely positive light, "And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter; and he was more honorable than all the house of his father" (34:19).
     Where Shechem and his father are presented positively throughout the story, special care is taken to shown the brutality and dishonesty of Dinah's brothers. There is no doubt they were in the wrong. Their viciousness is further criticized in Genesis 49, when Jacob is giving his last words to his children before dying.
"Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honor, be not thou united; for in their anger they slew a man...cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel" (Gen 49:5-7).
     Simeon and Levi were cursed because they did the wrong thing. Dinah was not raped, and the forms had been followed. Shechem was a good man despite his slip up, and Dinah was happy. Though their marriage came from seduction, it was legitimate. Jacob did not veto, and Shechem offered to pay any price to make up for his rudeness. Once Jacob did not veto, the marriage was official; both requirements were met, if out of the usual order. Dinah was not Shechem's concubine; she was not a prostitute; she was Shechem's wife, and her brothers committed heinous trickery and murder for absolutely no reason. There was no revenge to be had--no insult done that was not undone, and that is why they were punished.

Conclusion
     Going back to the question of "what is Israelite marriage?", we receive the same answer from looking at seduction-based marriage. A marriage occurs when a man and woman have sex with each other without the veto of the woman's father (if she has one). Though the order is important--to the tune of 50 shekels and the inability to divorce--having sex before obtaining non-veto does not make a marriage evil, cursed, or less legitimate. One can still be "honorable" in one of these marriages, and the attack of such marriages is wrong.

     [Indirectly, this also answers the question of pre-marital sex. Though it is often portrayed as a horrible sin, that just isn't the case. The wages of sin are death (Romans 6:23), but the wages of premarital sex are clearly fifty shekels, not death, as Simeon and Levi assumed. Premarital sex is an expensive rudeness that should lead to marriage but does not have to.]